My phone does not have internet access and most of the time, I don’t need it anyway. I have a GPS in my car. I have an iPod touch that I carry in my purse for games and music. (If my kids use it for entertainment while we are out, at least they are not wearing down my phone battery!) My current phone has a camera (which I never use) and I carry a small camera in my purse from my Girl Scout Leader days. I don’t keep an electronic calendar. I have to keep track of my work calendar, my husband’s travel plans and a social calendar for five. It is much easier for my family to look at the desk calendar that hangs on the wall instead of invading my phone or computer.

I think my reluctance to get a phone with internet access comes from watching others with Smartphones. These are the people that drive me crazy:
1. Those that have to check in on Facebook every time they get to a restaurant or store.
2. Those that update their virtual friends with a play by play of the concert or party. Live in the moment!
3. The sports obsessed who check scores all night. Maybe they should have stayed home and watched the game.
4. The fact checkers who need to find out how many films Harrison Ford starred in because someone brought it up during dinner. Live with a little mystery in your life!
5. The afterhours business email checkers. What is so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow?

What are the benefits of a Smartphone? It would be nice to be able to have access to my email sometimes. There have been occasions that would have saved me time if I could have looked back at an email and got information. Transferring money at the bank while in mid shopping trip would be a nice feature. Umm, after that, I can’t come up with another reason.

So Smartphone users, please tell me why you love your phone and why you could never go back to a simple keyboard slider phone.
1. Which is better? Droids or iPhones?
2. How do you carry your phone? Pocket? Buried at bottom of purse?
3. Do you have an electronic calendar and if so, how to you sync and not share all the appointments that do not affect the other person (i.e., your work appointments)? How do your teenage kids read the calendar to see if the chauffer is available to drive them?

For all our technical advances, I wonder if cell phones have gone overboard. Do we need to be in touch with the world at large? Are we that important that we can’t wait to get information until we get home or back to the office? Was it so bad to stop and ask for directions? Do we need to entertain ourselves all the time? What is wrong with looking out the window or people watching? Why can’t we live without a Smartphone?

My mom and I exchanged gifts, too. I got some nice things – gift card, a purse, my favorite wine and some wine accessories. I gave my mom camera accessories to go with the camera that my dad gave her for Christmas. My grandmother was there with us too and gave me a wonderful gift (blog for another day). In addition to the nice dinner (and too much dessert) and gifts, we had a great time catching up on family gossip and talking about the good ole days.

All in all, it was a good way to spend a Sunday. We said goodbye and thanked each other for the gifts again. When I got home, I put everything away (I was sent home with leftovers, too) and made a note to write a thank you card – just like I was taught. By Tuesday, my mother’s thank you card had already arrived. Mine is still waiting to be written.

My mother is the queen of Ms. Manners. She quotes her often and is right on time with cards, flowers and gifts. When I told her of a friend’s mom passing, her first response after “I’m sorry to hear that” was “Send me her address.” I think she writes her thank you cards the same evening she gets a gift and I don’t think she understands why Hallmark made the belated birthday card section. With such an example, you might wonder why I frequent the belated birthday card section or why it takes me so long to get a simple thank you card out. Maybe it skips a generation.

It’s not that I am ungrateful. Part of it is laziness. Thank you cards only take 5 minutes to write. I can fit that in anywhere, yet somehow it always gets pushed to the bottom of the list. Part of it is not knowing what to say. My great aunt (who puts my mom to shame on the lengthy and prompt thank you cards) came to my house for Thanksgiving. She brought me a flowering cactus that was beautiful. She spent the day with us. The thank you card I wrote went something like this:

Dear Aunt Frances,
Thank you for the beautiful flowering cactus! I put it in the living room so everyone could see it. I am so glad you and Paul could spend the day with us. Enjoy the rest of the holiday season!
Love,
Pam

Lame! All I did was to state the obvious. The flower was beautiful. She saw me put it in the living room. I told her at the door when she left that I was glad she could spend the day with us. Enjoy the rest of the holiday season? She and her husband would probably spend the day alone. Who would enjoy that thank you card?

I think the thank you cards for attending wakes is unnecessary. What do all the family members say to you at the wake when they see you? “Thank you for coming.” Do we really need to make the grieving family send a preprinted (and now even preaddressed) card thanking us for coming to their loved ones wake? I am sure they have plenty of other things to do.

Personally, I think the art of the thank you card is dying. Although I have taught my kids to send thank you cards, I don’t actually agree with them. If you opened a gift in front of someone and thanked them then and there, it should be done. If, when you get home, you want to gush over the gift again, give that person a call and tell them. In the case where a gift is mailed to you or if it is a large party and you open gifts afterwards alone, then yes, I think you should send a card.

And does it have to be a card? The only plus for thank you cards is that you are getting something in the mail that is not a bill. Is a thank you call or email acceptable? I think so, but it depends on the person. A thank you text is pretty bad, so I don’t recommend it. All I am saying is that if someone gives you a gift, you should thank them in whichever way you think is best. It’s the thought that counts, right?

The discovery of this envelope is the beginning of the author’s journey to uncover the life of his grandfather, Sam Stone, and to find out what became of those families that benefited from B. Virdot’s gift. I loved this book! It was a real view of the Depression through the eyes of the people of Canton, Ohio. It showed incredible strength and perseverance of these people – some who were born into money and others that struggled for generations. Their letters were emotional, heartbreaking and inspirational. Most of them spoke of hating to ask for charity and many asked for a job instead. They shared their plans to spend the generous gift – to pay back the milkman or landlord, to buy new shoes for their children or have a decent meal for Christmas. The money would in no way get them back on their feet financially, but gave them renewed belief in human kindness and the strength to go on.

B. Virdot knew what it was like to struggle, to be hungry and to go without. He gave back to a community of people that accepted him years before when he made Canton, Ohio his home. “The Secret Gift” is a story about the Christmas spirit touching the lives of both the giver and the receivers.

My favorite quote in the book was sent to B.Virdot in a letter asking for his help. It is a stanza of verse from poet Edgar A. Guest. I think it says it all.
He has not lived who gathers gold,
Nor has he lived whose life is told
In selfish Battles he has won,
Or deed of skill he may have done,
But he has lived who now and then,
Has helped along his fellowman.

Enter Anna and Chloe. When we adopted these litter mates, they were 1 ½ years old. We were told that they got along well with cats so we felt good about bringing them home. Within 30 minutes of their arrival, Smuckers came down to investigate. That’s when the barking started. We tried to calm the dogs down as they were freaking out the cat. Our other dog did not bark at him. Smuckers responded by getting in his Halloween cat stance and hissing and pawing at the dogs. Needless to say, they weren’t too worried and chased him up the stairs and into our room.

Smuckers lives primarily in our room these days. He only ventures out when he is hungry and he thinks the dogs are asleep. Smuckers’ food and litter box are housed in the master bath. It is the one room the dogs are not allowed to be in. The bedroom itself is not off limits. The dogs venture in if we are up there, but most of the time, they give the cat his privacy.

All of our animals are solar. They love to lay with their black coats in the sun. The first bit of sunlight during the day starts in our room, opposite the bed. It is a pretty good sized spot – the width of two windows. The cat lies in the middle of it until it moves across the room to the bed. The dogs usually lay in the sunlight that comes in the living room. I open the front door for them and they bask until their coats are hot to the touch. Sadly, their sunlight does not come in until it moves past the garage – a couple hours after the bedroom sunlight. As the weather gets colder, they have been trying to overtake the cat’s morning spot.

One morning, I heard Anna, our alpha dog, bark upstairs. I couldn’t understand what she wanted. It was a single bark, usually reserved for telling us she needed to go out. I found her in the bedroom, standing over the cat. Apparently, alpha dog means nothing in the feline world. Smuckers wouldn’t budge. She barked again. The cat got all puffed up, hissed and slapped Anna in the nose. (He is declawed.) She let out a yelp and backed up. Chloe heard her sister’s call for help and came barreling up the stairs. She barked at poor Smuckers and chased him on top of the bed. After thanking her sister, Anna curled up in the now abandoned sunlight and took a nap. Smuckers stared down from the bed at her and silently planned his revenge. At our house, Ebony and Ebony live together in a strained harmony.

I shouldn’t be too surprised. My daughter has a ton of friends that are boys. She has always made friends easily and I see her at school functions talking to girls and boys alike. My daughter is not boy-crazy. Many girls in her school are “dating”. I have to tell you how stupid that really is. No one has jobs. No one can drive. They don’t actually go anywhere. Yet they are dating. My daughter feels the same way and although she may have crushes or “like” some boy, she is not “dating”. She just wanted to include these boys because she likes hanging out with them.

We ordered pizza, bought some snacks and pop and prepared to have 16 teenagers in our basement. I asked her what she was planning on doing and she said they would play Just Dance and karaoke on the Wii and listen to music. Okay, sounded easy enough.

My husband and I hung out upstairs, but we ventured down to deliver food and clean up as the night went on. Every time we went downstairs, we saw happy teenagers engaging in conversation, eating, laughing, singing and playing the Wii. There was no drama. No girls ran up the stairs and locked themselves in the bathroom because some boy wouldn’t talk to her. No couple hid in the closet and made out. No one asked to turn the lights off. No one tried to spike the pop. These were just good kids – boys and girls – hanging out together and having a good time.

At 10:00, everyone’s parents came to pick them up. Some came in and met us. Others texted their kids “I’m here”. Each teenager thanked us for having them over. One boy offered to help clean up. Another boy shook my husband’s hand and said “Good to meet you and thank you for having me over”. He then turned to me and did the same thing. (My daughter has been given permission to marry him!) It was a good night.

The next week we were discussing the gathering with our friends. They have a daughter that is the same age and goes to the same school. They were surprised that we would have a boy-girl party. They said that they heard that boy-girl parties were “mosh pits with bumping and grinding going on”. The girls were the instigators and created most of the drama. Of course, their daughter was not a part of these parties; this is just what she heard.

If there is any truth in that story, I blame the host parents. Where were they when all of this was going on? We stayed out of the way, but made our presence known. And what about the parents of the kids that came to these parties? Maybe the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. I am a big believer in organized activities and knowing who your kids are hanging out with. If your kids are involved in activities (all of my daughter’s friends from the party are in music), they will have confidence in themselves and not need all the drama and bumping and grinding in order to have a good time.

I am proud of the person my daughter has become. She is smart, confident and a good judge of people. Her friends can come over anytime!

For years I have heard that I look just like my mother. I went through different stages of reactions to that, much like my look-a-like daughter does. My mom looks very young for her age and compared to many of my friends’ parents, she is young. She is still in good shape, covers her grays and wears fashionable clothes. However, there is no denying that she is older than me. As she has said many times, the sand in her face has shifted.

Is that what is happening to me? When I put on moisturizer that night, I noticed a lot more wrinkles. My cheekbones are more defined than they have been in the past. With my hair pulled back, I can see a lot more graying spots around the frame of my face. I am no longer the age I feel on the inside.

While standing at Walgreens the other day, I noticed a sign that read “We will card for cigarettes for any person looking younger than 40.” The legal age in IL is 18. Seems like they are being too cautious. What 40 year old looks younger than 18? Although I have seen many women try to dress younger, their age shows in their face and hands.

Around Lent last year, I planned to write a blog post about giving something up. A couple years before, I successfully gave up biting my nails. I rewarded myself with a manicure and have kept them long ever since. My blog was supposed to be an inspirational/if-I-can-do-it-so-can-you-too kind of thing. I asked my daughter to take a picture of my nails for the blog post. When I looked at them on the computer screen, I decided to scratch the whole idea. Although I thought my hands looked pretty from my point of view, I noticed that in the picture, the hands belonged to some older woman.

But that is okay. Getting older is the essential part of a long life. My 90-year-old grandmother always says she isn’t planning having any more birthdays. I tell her that she has to have birthdays, she doesn’t just doesn’t have to celebrate them. The alternative to not having more birthdays is death -I choose aging any day!

I am going to end this pity-party with a quote that many of you have seen before. I think I might hang this up on the bathroom mirror!

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride!”

Although my daughter has some very nice things – she already has a cell phone, iPod Touch, Ugg slippers and then got the Xbox with Kinect for Christmas – she was feeling a little bit of the ugly green monster rearing its head. After practice (two days after Christmas) she announced she was going to buy her own Ugg boots and an iPad. (I guess the two other pairs of boots she got for Christmas from Delia’s and access to my iPad wasn’t enough).

I told her I was happy to hear her plan to save and buy her own things. I knew she would appreciate them more. She had done it before. Two years ago, she used her own money to buy her iPod Touch. Her “own money” consisted of monetary gifts from her birthday and Christmas and money she had earned from doing things at home. After counting her money, she was about $400 dollars short on the iPad and less than $50 short on the Ugg boots. (Of course, she didn’t factor in tax.) She would earn the rest somehow. We went to bed that night knowing she had a goal in mind.

The next day we went to Petsmart to get new collars for our dogs. Santa didn’t realize how much weight the dogs lost and brought collars that were too big! My 11-year-old came with me. After recently losing a snail in her fish tank, she wanted to replace him. Moments later, she decided she wanted to buy a 10 gallon fish tank to replace her 2 ½ gallon fish tank at home. I reminded her about her savings plan, but she waved me off. She told me it was her money and she was going to spend it however she wanted. So we walked around and added up all the things she would need. We talked to the man in the fish department who gave us some tips. When all was said and done, the price was the same as the Ugg boots. (plus tax, of course)

Wow! That was a lot for a last minute decision. I told her that since she had a totally different plan yesterday, she should go home and sleep on it tonight. That didn’t sit well with her. She had an 11-year-old tantrum right there in the fish department. She loudly shared her feelings about HER MONEY and that I was the meanest mom in the world. The before-having-kids Pam would have been embarrassed, but I have been through the Terrible Twos three times. At least she wasn’t lying on the floor. I just told her I was leaving and she followed.

In the car, I told her that I know she is mad at me, but she should really think it over. I told her that I didn’t go to the first car dealer I saw and drive out of there with my car. Yes, it was her money and I thought she should spend it on something of her choosing. I just wanted her to research it and not end up with buyer’s remorse. When we got home, my husband got to listen to the whole story and agreed with me. We told her to do some research and compare prices and then we will talk about it again.

That night, my daughter went online and wrote down all the items she would need. She compared prices at three different stores. She even made a spreadsheet listing prices and items. While she was price shopping, she decided to read up on the types of fish – who was aggressive, who needed different water temperatures, who played nice with others. She also realized that she needed to buy a 20 gallon tank to get all the fish she wanted. It was a very thorough list and we told her how proud of her we were. The only problem was that she was still short on money. She asked if there were projects she could do to earn money.

Projects that needed to be done? You have come to the right Mom! The first project I gave her was the Christmas card list. It got out of hand with address changes and new names. I wanted them all changed in the computer so I could print out labels next year. It took her about 2 hours to complete and she did it without complaining.

Next project? Clean out her room. I don’t mean make the bed and pick up the stuff off the floor. I mean go through every drawer, the closet and under the bed. Make bags for donation and bags for garbage. A couple hours into it, I went to check on her. She was working hard and I told her that. She made a face and then said “I have to. I need the money.” I nodded in understanding and left her to her work.

I walked away from her room smiling. It was a teaching moment that had gone well. If you really want something, you have to work for it.

The following week she had enough money to buy her tank, accessories and fish. Today everything is living happily on her dresser. Last night my husband asked her how much money she had left. She told him it was less than a dollar. He was surprised and it must have shown on his face. She responded, “Dad, fish are expensive.” I had to laugh. She should try having kids.

December 8th: It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9th: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years, felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12th: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we’ll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. Bob is such a nice man. I’m glad he is our neighbor.

December 14th: Snow, lovely snow! 8” last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and the sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn’t realize I would have to do this quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15th: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that’s silly. We aren’t in Alaska!

December 16th: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17th: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her. God I hate when she’s right. I can’t believe I am freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20th: Electricity’s back on, but had another 14” of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Goddamn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey. I think they’re lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower, but they’re out. Might have another equipment shipment in March. I think they’re lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he’s lying.

December 22nd: Bob was right about a white Christmas, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today and it’s so cold it probably won’t melt until August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel! Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck, for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23rd: Only 2” of snow today and it warmed up to “0”. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What? Is she nuts?!? Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I think she is lying.

December 24th: 6”. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow…..! I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over everywhere I’ve just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents but I was too busy watching for the Goddamn snowplow.

December 25th: Merry #%&@&%$ Christmas! 20 more inches of the f*$%&@*% slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I chased him off with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she’s an idiot. If I have to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” one more time I’m going to stuff her in the microwave.

December 26th: Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27th: Temperature dropped to -30, and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him and he only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28th: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. SHE is driving me crazy!!!!!!

December 29th: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30th: Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars; not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken shovel up his rear. The wife went home to her mother. 9” predicted.

December 31st: Set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8th: Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

I have been thinking about that 21-year-old woman this past week. Although she was half my age, she was far from a kid. She was married, a home owner, employed full time and going to college at night. She was a hard worker. She was also naïve, low on self-confidence and unaware of how strong she really was. Her journey is what got me to this point today. I am not envious of her youthful ignorance. I do, however wish I had her hair pigment, her non-creaking knees and the ability to sneeze without bracing for back pain.

That woman imagined a life like mine, but wasn’t 100% sure how she was going to get there. With my 21 extra years of life experience, I thought about what I might tell her to ease her mind.

1. You are on the right road, but don’t be afraid to take the scenic route once in a while. You will eventually find the road again and be on your way.

2. Don’t listen to the naysayers. Follow your heart. It will not lead you astray.

3. The reason there is no guide book in life is because everyone’s journey is different. Imagine how boring people would be if we all did the same things in life.

4. Be patient. It will happen.

5. Volunteer. Be charitable. Share your blessings with others. It will come back to you one day.

6. You picked a good man. He will help you achieve your dreams.

7. There is no “perfect” time to do anything – change jobs, have children, etc. If you believe you are ready, you will find the strength to do it.

These last thoughts I learned from my husband:

1. Surround yourself with people who believe in you.

2. Don’t spend your time seeking the approval of those who don’t believe in you. You will never convince them otherwise.

3. People don’t change, they evolve.

4. The things in life, that make you a little nervous and sit just outside your comfort zone, make life worth living.

We spent most of the day baking and an hour or so shopping for the ingredients. After we were done, we spent another hour plating and delivering the cookies. When we got home, a pile of bowls, cookie sheets and spoons needed to be cleaned and put away. The whole project, start to finish took us about ten hours to complete.

Ten hours. The whole day. To make cookies. That we gave away. Why? I could have done a lot of things during those ten hours. I haven’t finished Christmas shopping yet. I still had to address some cards. I haven’t even thought about wrapping. There is always laundry to do and with two black Labs, I always need to vacuum. What about just relaxing? I have been working like a dog (no pun intended) this season. I had to extend my hours to accommodate everyone. I even worked on Saturday which is something I promised not to do. So why would I spend the whole day making cookies?

Because it is the Christmas season. I thought it would be nice to do something with my kids that didn’t involve us being at a soccer field, softball diamond or theatre. I also wanted to extend more of the season than a Christmas card to our neighbors and friends. Outside of a wave as we pass in the car, I don’t see them as much as I used to. Our lives have gotten so busy.

In a perfect world, I would have a simpler Christmas. Everyone would get one gift – something they really wanted or needed. Of all the gifts I bought this year, there isn’t one gift that someone is going to go crazy for. I would love to see some Carolers at our door. I told my oldest daughter that she and her friends should do that. She looked at me like I was crazy. “Go ring someone’s doorbell and then start singing? People will think that’s crazy.”

My kids thought it was strange to bring cookies to everyone. Like someone is going to refuse a plate of cookies. I told them to put on Santa hats, ring the doorbell and say “Merry Christmas”. Every person smiled back in surprise to see the cookies and thanked them. The kids came back home smiling because smiling is contagious.

My husband and I tell the kids to practice random acts of kindness whenever possible. My husband is especially good at it. I have seen him pull over many times to help someone push a stalled car. He has helped lift TVs and other big boxes into cars as we walk by them in the parking lot. He frequents McDonalds for his daily Diet Coke fix and often buys breakfast for the car behind him.

One night last week, my kids and I were running into the grocery store for some last minute dinner items. It was 7:00 and we were coming home from their activities. We were all starving so we tried to be quick. My son saw the Salvation Army bell ringer and asked for some money. I gave him the singles I had in my purse. It was a cold night and I noticed how bundled up the man was. He said, “Merry Christmas” to us as my son dropped in the money. After our shopping, we saw him again. He remembered us and said “Merry Christmas” as we passed. I told him to stay warm and he said “I’m trying”.

When we got to the car, I told the kids we had one more stop. They groaned about it because they were hungry. I drove to the other end of the mall and picked up a Caribou Coffee gift card. I told the kids that the bell ringer looked cold and I wanted to give him something to warm up. My oldest daughter wanted to give him the card so she jumped out as we drove back to the store. He, like my neighbors, was surprised and pleased with this small act of the Christmas spirit. My daughter was smiling as she got back in the car. I asked her what he said and she told me he said “God Bless You”.

He already has.