I think every mom wants at least one girl. You can dress them up in all the cute outfits. She can play with all the toys you remember and dress up like a princess for Halloween. You have a friend to go shopping with or to get your nails done. As wonderful as all of that is, you still have to show her how to make friends and how to keep them.

Almost every day I run into a mom that has a daughter with “girl drama”. Recently, I talked to a mom with a first grader who didn’t get invited to a birthday party. It seems that most of the class was invited and talking about it. She was crushed because she thought that she and the birthday girl were friends. The other mom I spoke to had a daughter involved in a friendship triangle. One girl was the leader and pulled only one of the girls on her side, leaving the third friend out of the loop. In both cases, the girls turned to their mom and asked why this was happening.

As a woman, we know that “girl drama” is part of growing up. But as a mom, it is hard to watch. I have watched my own daughters in tears over friends’ words, choices and behaviors. I am in pain because they are in pain. Besides being empathic, I have the occasional flash back to my own childhood and have to relive events that are long over.

My mom used to say “This too shall pass”, but when you are going through a hard time, that is hard to believe. Girls can be mean or thoughtless in what they say or do. They can hold grudges or spread nasty rumors about you. You will even find that some of them that you thought were your friends, are really not. Most of this is all part of growing up and these girls will learn, often the hard way, that you don’t treat a friend like that. Sadly, a small portion of those girls will grow up and continue to be mean girls, even in adulthood.

I try to tell my girls to treat their friends as they want to be treated. Don’t talk about social events in a large group of people who may not have been invited. Call your friend and ask about their day or an important event in their life. Be a good listener when they need to talk. Apologize for something you may have done to hurt someone’s feelings before it too much time passes. Let go of the little things. Are they really important enough to ruin a friendship over? Stay in touch, even when your schedules get busy.

That’s even good advice for us moms.

Advertisements